Keeping busy is key. It’s when I stop that I feel the emptiness where Gareth should be, and so by filling my life with challenges and new adventures, always planning something to keep focused on, I can keep going and stay positive.
I suppose I’m searching for experiences that give meaning and a purpose to my life, something I never had to do when I was with Gareth.
Right now I’m in a particularly beautiful part of southern France, having just started guiding the route of the Trans Provence race for the summer, feeling very privileged to have the opportunity to do so.
The trails are some of the most incredible I have ever ridden, the people I’m working with, and for, are brilliant fun, and equally as passionate about bikes and riding as I am, and I feel as happy here, doing what I’m doing, as I know I could be right now.
This is the first place I feel like I’m happy stopping in since I lost Gareth. He would be very jealous, but also proud, and my only wish is that he could be here riding these trails with me.
I miss Gareth, his love, support, friendship, smiles, laughter and personality every single day, more than I could ever describe. I won’t ever forget him, and often I can picture his face, his voice, the things he’d be saying or doing in certain situations, so clearly, it’s like he’s really there.
It still scares me to think of a future without him, and the uncertainty of what it might bring. Gareth made me feel safe, and life felt secure. But I have learnt that since I can’t predict the future, it is best to try not to worry too much about it, and to live in the present as much as possible, one adventure at a time.
I am thankful for every opportunity that arises, and try and seize every moment and chance for experiences that make me glad to be alive and lucky to have the life I do.
I try and ensure I have no regrets, follow my dreams, and never settle for doing something that doesn’t make me happy, because I am worried what other people will think if I do. I think Gareth would be pretty proud of that.
