After my summer of adventures, it started to dawn on me that at some point I was going to have to go back to work, and figure out a way to support myself again long-term.
The thought of returning to Sheffield, and trying to pick up the remains of our old life was terrifying; same job, same house, same daily routine, but no Gareth. I knew I couldn’t face it.
I also didn’t think I could cope with a ‘normal’ job. I needed to find something to do that I truly loved, something that I looked forward to going to work each day, and didn’t spend the whole week counting the days down to the weekend.
Mountain Bike Guiding seemed like the perfect answer, and although a little apprehensive about whether I was good enough or confident enough to be a guide, I had started working my way through the Mountain Bike Leader training scheme earlier in the year.
By October, I was ready to start looking for jobs. I decided that trying to find a job somewhere new, with no memories attached would be a good plan, and a way to start building a new life.
After several applications, I accepted a job in Tenerife. So I spent the winter in the sun, riding my bike down dry and dusty trails, meeting some great guests, and generally feeling like I’d made the right decision to spend the winter in the sun when I heard repeated reports of the long cold, wet winter back at home.
Significant dates came and went – a year since Gareth died, Christmas, my birthday, our wedding anniversary. But on each of those days I tried to be busy doing something fun, remembering it in the way I know Gareth would have wanted.
Other challenges followed when I returned from Tenerife, as I’m sure they will continue to do for a long time. In March I completed the Cape Epic, an 8 day stage race in the Western Cape region of South Africa. That was followed by a 3 day point-to-point ride around the Lakeland 200 with friends.
Every time one event finishes, it feels tough knowing that life hasn’t gone back to normal. But Gareth will never come back and our old life together repair itself, so I just have to keep always thinking of new things to aim for, and never look too far ahead.
