The RULES Devotee

No – we’re not referring to people who follow the Highway Code. As discussed – we respect these people. By ‘The Rules’ we refer to the not-unwritten cyclists’ code that is mainly a Bible to the roadies – the Velominati rules and all the stereotypes they encompass.

There’s nothing wrong with injecting a little class to your riding – but living by the book and insisting everyone else does the same is just not cool. Maybe we like our short socks and we’re proud of our quirky colourful saddle? Go back to your double espresso, bike snob…

The Shoaler

Another traffic light situation – shoaling is when you’re waiting at the lights, perhaps alongside several other stationary cyclists. Suddenly, another rider arrives at the lights and glides past everyone else, depositing themselves in front of every other waiting rider.

This behaviour would probably be ok if you were an elite cyclist – but unless you’re absolutely convinced that you’re going to be setting off faster than everyone else, it’s not ok. There’s nothing more pleasing that overtaking a shoaler 5 metres from the lights.

The One With All the Excuses

Listening to this rider is just exhausting. There are a plethora of available excuses – and yes, many of them may be entirely true. But honestly, it’s not about ‘performance’ unless it’s actually a race. Outside of racing situations, it’s best just to relax and enjoy. And on race day – just let the best woman win.

The Can’t-Be-Chicked

We once asked the Editor at our brother title RCUK about this – and he insisted men who overtake women seconds after being overtaken absolutely don’t have gender on the mind. We beg to disagree. Some men are comfortable enough with their masculinity that they’re ok with letting a woman overtake – some are not. The latter class are immensely annoying.

Of course – despite their sometimes flaws, we do love all our cycling comrades. Here are a few examples of things nearly all female cyclists are guilty of saying…