Regardless of discipline, cycling is cool. You often feel pretty epic over-taking other cyclists, blasting down a trail or just wearing your new clip-in shoes. As a whole, cycling is a pretty awesome hobby and sport to give into.
Although, this level of “coolness” is not solely down to the bike and the kit – sadly. It’s down to you, the rider. And while we love to get out there and give it our all, cringe-worthy tragedy can strike at any time, and render you feeling like a loser.
You’re not alone though. Awkward things do happen, tears are shed and you may just want the Earth to open up and swallow you whole, but then you learn to laugh about it later – much later in some cases.
Here’s our run down of those annoying cringe-worthy moments that remind us how uncool we can be…
Awkward things my body does…
– Runny Face: Like a tap, your nose and eyes will insist on streaming. You may not even be a hayfever sufferer, or have any particular allergies, but your face will leak. Chronic cases lead to crusty eyes, and very unattractive DIY nose tampons of tissue.
– I have to pee. NOW: Everything is going great, and just as you’re the furthest away from a loo as you can possibly be… you need a wee. So you stop the group, you spend an age looking for that perfect hedge where you awkwardly try and squat, and cover yourself. All the while adopting the meerkat stare to ensure no one catches the full moon, and you don’t pee on your shoes!
– The Saddle Shuffle: If you’ve not found your ideal chamois and saddle combo, then you know you’re going to suffer the uncomfortable truth about cycling. It starts with a little soreness of the sit bones, then the soft tissue starts to ache and before you know it, you’re off your saddle and giving it a wiggle at every opportunity.
– Your body doesn’t listen: A seemingly pleasant ride can go wrong so quickly. You may be looking at the perfect line to take, but your body just does its own thing. Then before you know it, you’re on the floor, or hugging a tree.
– Wobble fall: It’s been a long day, your body is tired but you’re feeling pretty good about yourself. Just remember to regain your land legs when you dismount. Forgetting you’re clipped in, or suffering from jelly legs can lead to the ultimate awkward falls.
– Random moments of hysteria: You’re over-thinking it. You’ve over-thought it. You can’t do it. Time to cry on the side of the trail or road for 10 mins. After which, you’re fine and carry on. Why brain, why?
– Shift scare: When you’re riding up a super steep climb, totally focused. Then you go to shift gear – to make the going easier – and accidentally shift up. You panic and do it again, and again – until you have to accept defeat and stop
– Now? Are you kidding me?: Mid ride, and you get a little visit from the cramp monster. It’s like shark is nibbling at your womb.
– Bug invasion: I wouldn’t want to hazard a guess at how many bugs I’ve eaten, how many have bitten me, and how many have nearly blinded me. Coughing, spluttering and frantically dancing around to get that wasp away from you, just makes you feel like a doofus.
– Leg Warmer Slip: When you’re riding along and suddenly become aware one of your leg warmers is falling down, exposing a triangle of cold flesh to the unwitting world.