Look, kids bikes are cool. Because they don't have to bear the weight of a real human they get to be fun shapes, have nice colours and be adorned with ridiculous accessories.
For some reason, said accessories are not seen as acceptable on adult bikes. Plastic stars that stick to your spokes just weigh down your carbon frame, right?
Right. But they also bring untold joy. So if any of you guys are into the stuff on this list, just bloomin' well buy it. Cycling is meant to be fun!
"Oh hey, I didn't see you there because you looked so much like AN AWESOME PURPLE CAT." That's what we like to imagine people will say when you give a little cough at the lights. They'll be expecting a 'miaow', of course.
The sad thing about novelty helmets? Unlike a lot of kids accessories, these tend to only come in children's sizes. We envy the small-headed among you!
Ok, so this Bike Bubblr is not a nostalgic item because it is relatively new to the world of bicycle accessories and we are so jealous that children get to have a childhood with this in it.
Seriously, it makes your bicycle look like Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, or like it's powered by a flatulent Powerpuff girl. Fantastic work, toy industry.
Ah, Spokey Dokes. Who can forget when bicycles sounded like violent rainmakers, constantly?
We love the idea of putting these on our adult bikes, although we reckon that waking up the neighbours as we head out for an early morning ride might not be super popular. #SorryNotSorry
You may have not known that Bike Pennants were a thing in anything other than old cartoons (they're not really) until this moment, but now that you do, you really want one, right?
They are quite possibly the cutest things you can add to a bicycle. Particularly worthy of investment if you regularly ride with your family – they'll not be able to lose you when they've got this flag to follow!
Handlebar Heroes are exceptional. Making your handlebars look like your favourite animal is the stuff of fairytale.
We even reckon this cute little horsey could become somewhat threatening if attached to, say, a downhill mountain bike. That's what we call horsepower!
Remember that one girl on your street that handlebar streamers? Why does she get to have all the fun?
Now that you have your own disposable income to spend on sugary cereals and bike parts, you can treat yourself to some handlebar tassels. Or you could make your own from some tinfoil, which would be pretty awesome.
Bicycle Number Plates
Yes, you need a bicycle number plate in your life.
What you make it say, however, is up to you. Our personal choice? "3AT DU5T"
Cat Valve Caps
And finally, for a sligtly more subtle nod to childishness, there's always these thoroughly feline Cat Valve Caps – they'll make you purr every time you check your PSI.