What's in a name?
Some people see bicycle naming as sacrilege, others as essential. We are of the opinion that you can do whatever you like, but that the latter option does seem a bit more fun.
Are you stuck? Well fear not! We've listed some of the best ways in which to name your steed. Because it's trusty, and deserving of good syllables attached to it.
After your favourite road or hill
For the super awesome roadies among you, this could get impressive. You get to tell people that you're bike is named 'Ventoux' or 'Hardknott'.
It's not so advisable, however, if you're more of a commuter. You're average suburban cul de sac just doesn't have the same ring to it.
After a random celebrity
Can you think of a more brilliant way of confusing friends and family than naming your bicycle after Adam Rickitt?
If you like, you could also try and align properties of your bicycle to human celebrities. Got a voluptuous cruiser? Maybe she's a Kardashian. Perhaps it's bright orange and getting a bit past it? Surely it should be called Tom Jones. The comic potential is endless.
Something overly violent-sounding
'Bonecrusher' is a particular favourite, but anything that sounds like a 90s metal band moniker will do. It's something to scream when you're racing past taxi drivers, so they are utterly terrified of you. Egging your steed on by screaming Napalm Death lyrics (e.g. "Human garbage/To be destroyed") is also positively encouraged.
You can also add to this a kind of gladiatorial naming convention – like 'Bonecrusher: destroyer of cobbles, master of slippy manholes'.
After a Pro
We reckon that it's always a good idea to honour the ladies of professional cycling, and what better way than by making your steed their namesake?
Vos is short and snappy, Trotty has connotations of a cantering horse as well as a British cycling superstar, and Kirsten Wild has the coolest last name known to cycling. Basically, pick your pro spirit animal and honour them by naming your rusty single-speed after them.
Allow a Child to Name it
A particularly excellent idea if you have a very mean-looking machine that you don't mind referring to from here on in as 'Mr Sparkles'.
It's a great way of putting a pin in a partner's ego too: tell him that he's being mean if he doesn't let his nephew name it, and then titter for eternity over the fact his Pinarello is called 'Fireman Sam'.
If you really need to told why you should call your bike Isabel, then you clearly had a childhood without any laughter. Really? You still don't know? Ok then... here's the joke:
Isabel necessary on a bicycle?
... you asked for it.