Wisdom on Wheels
There are some lessons in life that you only learn after you've been riding to work for a couple of weeks. Whether it be the exact layer combination that works for you, or a larger philosophical epiphany, its undoubtable that you'll find your view of the world challenged considerably over the course of your new life as a cyclist.
You also learn some embarrassing stuff too. Like number one on our list of wisdomous nuggets...
Bums get cold
Seriously, who woulda thunk your bum could get so insanely cold? Only cyclists have ever had the cold penetrate (ho!) your glutes to the extent that you feel like you're plopped on an ice cube for the rest of the day.
No matter how many pairs of pants you wear, there's always going to be a deficiency of warmth around your posterior, because a proper cycling position involves you 'presenting' to the world.
Two breakfasts are essential
One to fuel and one to recover, obviously. Coco Pops count for both, right?
You'll never read another book, ever
The time you previously spent reading your book on the train has now been replaced with time spent being excellent.Which is no bad thing, of course. The likelihood of you finishing A Song of Ice and Fire, however, has declined.
Being on a bicycle turns you into a child
In the sense that the minute you start riding your bike every day, middle-aged men suddenly seem to think you're in need of instruction or a good telling off.
I was once told that I needed to "learn to share the road" (see number 5) in a manner that suggested I was a toddler being stubborn about handing over a Furby. Eugh.
There is a skill to blocking the road in the most annoying manner
We've all done it. There's a driver that insists on speedily passing you too closely every time you move off from the lights (despite the fact you consistently reach the next set in the same amount of time).
The biggest pleasure a cyclist can have is then, when reaching a narrower portion of road where you're within your rights to take up the entire lane for safety reasons, being extra infuriating to the driver behind. Sit up straight, bring down your cadence and have the general demeanour of someone returning from a jaunt to a flower market on a Sunday afternoon. Then smile as if their beeping horn is a symphony.
You always need more old clothes
Of course everyone here at TWC has an entire technical wardrobe, full of midlayers and softshells to insure the appropriate clothing whatever the weather. OF COURSE.
But, in a world where perhaps that isn't true, it might be more likely that we have a mix and match wardrobe of sports gear and old t-shirts. And quite often, you find yourself running out of old t-shirts. Before you know it, you're cycling to work in a pyjama top or your Sunday Best.
ASL boxes are sacred
The Advanced Stop Line is FOR CYCLISTS DAMMIT. GET OUT OF MY ZONE!
Riding clipless is just promising yourself future pain
Everyone knows that going clipless will result in not just a fall, but a fall that looks completely out of the blue.
When I first made the change to clipless, I forgot to clip out at the end of a quiet road. I came to a calm, serene standstill. I then fell over. After dusting myself off and having a quick glance around, I was satisfied that no one had witnessed the scene. Oh, wait a minute... yep. That's twenty people sniggering at a bus stop.
Perving on bikes is more interesting that perving on cyclists
"Did you see the beard on that hunk of a cyclist?"
"The guy on the Pinarello? Didn't notice."
Society needs to get over sweatiness
We all know that really, sweat is not gross or unnatural or unfeminine or unhygienic or even remotely a big deal. Agreed? Awesome.